• A parskis
i swear to god, men raising their voice is the most terrifying thing in the whole world. they dont understand, like its an immediate panic response, game over
actually had no idea women found this so scary
my downstairs neighbors fight on a regular basis, and every time he starts yelling im a Gite afraid he's going to kill her. ihave no reason to think this except that he is a man and he is angry
BB thewonderfulthingaboutfish
My math teacher has a loud voice and a temper and he scares the living shit out of me almost everyday. He's made me and other kids cry more than once and he and his teacher buddies make a joke out of terrifying students
B diamondsamurat
this was women in general? i knew my gf didn't like it but I was unaware if this affected most women
BB -0rsurvving
Yes, does
B toomanyfandomsforonetobemyurl
'As a woman, I had no idea it effected other women like this. I was too afraid to even talk about it. thought was weak. Thanks for bringing attention to this.
My dad thinks it's funny that I used to cry when he raised his voice. I freak out whenever some one does. Once my director did, and started crying I couldn't stop. Im glad to see I'm not alone.
BB, -ueunesriser
This is so important- seeing how common this is- and also want you alll to know that this is not normal. It isn't something instinctively ingrained into women, to be afraid of men. There is no natural state of men being a threat that women constantly have to be afraid of This is cultural. So many women and girls here have a mutual understanding of this feeling, and think it really shows an unsettling truth about our society, particularly about how men are raised to act and how so many women have this defensive reaction gradually develop.
It's so important that these people have their voices heard, because it teaches us about problems that we just can't deny the existence of any longer.
BB, on my-meosen
I'm glad I'm not the only one
B anexperimentallife
My fellow men, pay attention. I didn't realize how scary this could be until one of my exes explained it to me, and it's heartbreaking
Also, when we move too much during an argument, or lean forward, it's scary, and I never knew. was even a iitle insulted at first, because surely she didn't think I would hurt her. But see, that doesn't matter. Itwasn'ta sign that she mistrusted me specifically; its a conditioned response. (Although you keep doing it once you realize it scares her, she SHOULDNT trust you you.)
Not every woman has been physically harmed by a man she trusted, but every woman KNOWS a woman who has.
lused to be horrible about this, because I didn't realize how intimidating it was. I didn't understand why the woman was with clammed up or tried to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, and only got angrier, and acted even more like an asshole. It was wrong. It was abusive. It didn't matter if I INTENDED it that way; itwas still emotionally abusive. And it was inexcusable
get that when passions are high, and when you're frustrated, it's a natural tendency to let your voice get louder, to shout and gesture and lean forward
But you can train yourseff to do better. You can train yourseff to keep more of an even tone, to refrain from large and fast gestures, to not lean into her personal space. did. I'm not perfect at yet, but goddamn it, I WILL be
Don't tell me it's too hard, that you just can't do it, or that you "shouldn't have to."
I'm 53 years old and just now getting the hang of it, and if this old dog can learn something new, so can you.
Note to guys: It really, REALLY doesn't matter if you're thinking, "but would never.
History is littered with the bodies of women who believed a man 'would never.
This includes women killed by men who honestly, deeply, truly believed they
'would never'... right up until she said that one thing or moved in just that way and he just got so mad, just that once, and pushed her or punched her or slashed her or shot her... just once, y'know, to shut her up, or because she was flinching and didn't she know that HE'S NOT LIKE THAT and I'LL TEACH HER TO BE AFRAID OF ME
We are trained, from infancy, that Men With Loud Voices are a source of pain from which we cannot escape, and attempts to escape may result in more pain
And as soon as we're old enough to comprehend a world broader than our immediate circle, a world that extends into the past and will run into the future, we realize that there is no way, no way at all, to tell which men "would never" and which men "would never... except."
We live or die on that "if" And any man who doesn't lke facing that hyper- vigilance can work on fixing OTHER MEN, not women's fear.
The reaction shouldn't be "not all men are like that," it should be "no woman should have to live in fear."
It's telling that so many people will hear a story of long-term abuse and say,
'why did she stay with him?" and not why did he treat her like that?"
#ahahahaha yeah I'm just gonna like yknow
#if I don't immediately burst into tears I will just stand there and have fifty panic attacks
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