"My tow truck driver has a cat named Dixie with a matching safety vest."

Me: need to stop being lonely and talk to people Someone: Hey

Dads: "I don't want a dog." Dads minutes after getting a dog:

The groceries you bought and ignore for takeout every night

When you hear mom pull in the driveway but there are still chores to be done

HEAR YOU'RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER. WANNA USE MY LITTER BOK?

sabreen ali. @queenxbean ever since my daughter found out our plant, serena, wasn't getting enough sunlight, she insists on taking her out for walks while holding her up to the sun.

Watching his toy dry on

BEN Yaw RRIENOS My bowl ig empty RED CR

The mighty catasaurus once ruled this land

me: *cries* bf: are u crying? me: no bf: look at me me:

Encountered:

My wife five minutes after watching a movie that she picked out.

HA HA REAL FUNNY

@thisbemesara THE PUG FROM THE FIRST KINGSMAN MOVIE ATTENDED PREMIERE FOR KINGSMAN THE GOLDEN CIRCLE IN LONDON AND HES WEARING A SUIT.

Google Q. do dogs get tired of barking XX All Images News Videos Maps Noae do not aet tired of harking

must study vou

my dog: *has unlimited food, water, shelter, and love* *front door opens* my dog:

nd that one looks like a mouse", thought Fred, staring at the clouds. It was almost time for dinner.

Charlece Lake @charlece lake - my mom is the cutest art teacher ever!! She made a dress and had every one of her students draw one thing on the dress for her to wear. This was her at her student's art show tonight. IM SOBBING

"IF TWO PEOPLE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE WORLD DROP A PEICE OF BREAD, THE EARTH BRIEFLY BECOMES A SANDWICH..." STEVE