me: have to start eating healthier me feeling even the slightest amount of stress:

i drink good Nearly had a heart attack.

Move over, guys, the head mechanic is here.

welcome, sir

FR Caroline Asked my 90 yr old patient & his 85 yr old wife who had been married for 65 years what the secret to forever was. She stated "never forget why you fell in love with them, never stop dating. He chimed in with "never forget that she could always find better" I'm still crying.

Your Dog Loves You when it BE Follows you everywhere Wags its tail Jumps on you Makes eye contact Sleeps next to you Yawns when you yawn Licks your face Shows you its belly

Duke Skymocker @DukeSkymocker Replying to @dog_rates This is Dale. He never wants anyone to leave so he plops his butt in front of the door if you put your shoes on. AM - - Twitter for Android

A world where a baby elephant has a fluffy ostrich as a pillow is my kinda world.

ohhhh i want one!!! a lil lap dog for me Shetty Karthik I thought they were KFC chicken @ Cd E> ED

Megan MacKay @mmmegan My dog got a certificate of bravery at the vet today Ce ate of Certificate of Bravery Miss. Luey Mackay

Tin ware where can be be Wind

I was laughing and my dog thought I was hyperventilating and got me my emergency inhaler. Thanks pal? LOL. Service Dog

My hidden talent is eating stuff when it's too hot and instantly regretting it @the pnizzacat

May I kindly interrupt your scrolling with this duck on a swing? Only if it's okay with you.

When you're late for work and forget to feed the king

Apparently we've adopted the Kool-Aid Man

when you're trying to squeeze the shirt over your head without getting makeup on it

mom said couldnt get a raccoon so I colored the dog

"Carry me hooman"

When the doctor takes an x-ray of my heart

Girls with curly hair wake up like this.

Ss id My golden found her rubber pacifier she'd lost as a puppy

That's all 40 Sheep What? We should ig only have 37!? know, I rounded them up.